UNJUST Justification

I would consider myself a fairly honest person.  Well… maybe I’m still a work in progress as indicated in a few of these previous blogs.

                The Pains of Progress

                I’m Honestly Dishonest

                Internal Decay – Eww

                How did I Become a Bigamist

Honesty may be my soapbox, one of my great passions, part of my message to the world.  I don’t know.  But if that were the case, I wouldn’t imagine that I would struggle with it as often as I do.  Here are a few of my recent encounters.

THE HONOR EXAM

                One of my college classes begins every homework assignment with an honor pledge followed by a quiz attesting to whether we were honest during the assignment.  Every task has a bright red banner with a warning to not tamper with the banner.  Every classroom project can only be accessed (on the computer) once the honesty quiz is passed.  And this last week we had our first exam with the same immense emphasis.  Initially I was impressed, then tolerating and eventually, I became annoyed by the extensive intensity on something that didn’t have anything to do with the purpose of the class.  And of course I was going to be honest, I didn’t need this constant parenting patrol.

                This is where the justification begins.  I had an actual panic attack two days prior to the exam being due.  I hadn’t really had time to work on this two week project and for some reason I thought I had another week before it was due.  There were a large amount of other stressors and things not going right at home and in the lives of loved ones.  I had to get laser focused on this 10+ hour project.  And at the same time I had to babysit my grandbabies, and be present for family members who were in crises mode.  So I tried to do both.  I was working on my project while listening to their problems and occasionally responding to what was going on in their world.  But the majority of the time I had my eyes and attention glued to my computer screen. 

                The morning before the exam was to be uploaded, I woke up and realized that I was not as successful at balancing both objectives as I had hoped.  I made a few comments about my project and asked some general questions that I was confused about during the project.  It may have been an attempt to encourage my family members that I wasn’t totally tuning them out.  It may have been I just wasn’t thinking that what came out of my mouth was in conflict with the honesty pledge I repeatedly signed.  But what I’m afraid is my skill of justifying my poor choice was a little too fine tuned.

                Side note.  Fortunately, I believe in repentance.  I did confess on the exam that I had slipped up and was willing to fail the exam because of it.  So that made me feel a little bit better when the entire class period was dedicated to whether we were honest or not. (Geesh- I feel sheepish)

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ACCOUNTABILITY PROJECT

In another one of my classes we have an accountability project where we define what we want to become, set daily/weekly/monthly goals to become that, and set up a “stick” based accounting procedure.  I fretted about what “stick” I should choose to motivate me to do the necessary hard things.  I could have picked something that would have been fairly easy to do in the case of failure. However… in an attempt to be completely honest I chose a highly motivating fear-based reason to do what I was being asked to do. Now, I don’t necessarily agree with this method of encouragement.  Still, that is what is required for this class.

Last night, I received a text from my accountability partner, asking if everything was alright.  I realized that even though I had been working on school the entire day, and had other obligations in the evening, I had forgotten to follow up before the deadline. 

Moment of truth… I had done all the other daily goals that were required though somehow I had neglected to record it.  One of the daily goals was to record my progress by 10:00 pm.  And now, as outlined in the contract, I had failed.  My mind flooded with excuses and justifications as to why I shouldn’t have to apply my “stick”.   I’m still battling with how I could even follow through with the consequence (which is why I went to such great measures to avoid having to).

PUBLIC SCHOOL/EDUCATION IN GENERAL

My daughter has chosen to remain in the public high school, even though I felt a strong impression to bring my children back home.  I’ve witnessed how she justifies with one excuse or reason after another. 

I recall doing the same thing when I was going to college and my younger ones were attending a public charter school.  "It just doesn’t make sense to homeschool them now while I’m carrying 12 credits, being a mom/wife/grandma, office manager for my husband’s business, and fulfilling church callings."  (Just in case anyone wonders why I’m stressed out all the time, there’s a clue).  I would justify my decision to send them to someone who could give them the attention and skills they needed since I was already too busy. 

But the spirit worked on me and they are now back home engaging in a great deal of self-government.  I find I’m justifying for my high school daughter as well – "She’s her own agent and is free to choose how she wants to be educated, I probably couldn’t meet her upper education needs anyway, she is too social to be stuck home all the time, etc. etc. etc."  

And now I’m beginning to question my justification for going back to college in the first place. "I need a bachelor’s degree in order to have any quality source of income. I need credentials in order to open a private school.  I need to be prepared to be the primary breadwinner due to my husband’s poor health. I need to be able to produce income in order to overcome my scarcity tendencies.  The Lord seems to be sustaining me since I’m doing so well in my classes."  The list goes on and on as to why this is a good thing.  But I wonder if this “degree” thing is just something I want for myself. A regret for not finishing my education before I started the family path. A keeping up with the Jones effort.  A justification for not knowing exactly that this is what the Lord is guiding me to do at this point in my life.  

Image by Tiffany

I’ve heard it said that the word JUSTIFY means ‘to make straight’.  That stands true in the Savior’s justification for us – to make us righteous, or straight when we are definitely fallen, crooked, and incapable.  That would be the JUST justification. Although there is also an UNJUST justification when we attempt to ‘make straight’ or attempt to align truth with poor choices through excuses, logic, and evidence.  That includes the atheist who justifies his abandonment from God, the businessman who separates his action from his conscience (it’s nothing personal), all the way to the honest person who justifies how they are still being honest (as indicated above).    

And so the search for truth continues as we strive to become more than we currently are.

Checkmarks

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Check

It’s become a standard of success these days – how many checkmarks can I get and how many checkmarks can I give?

Situation #1

I’m a student at a local university.  The majority of my classes are online and the format is a checklist of instructions and assignments.  I spend my days tackling the tasks on that list in order to receive a checkmark.  Ironically, I’m getting an A in all my classes and so far, I can assume that if I do the work (get a checkmark) a good grade will follow.

Situation #2

I am also homeschooling my two youngest children – 7 & 10.  Yes, it’s an insane combination (I never claimed this was a good idea, though it does feel like the right one).  We start our school at 6:30 with a morning devotional before family members have to leave for school and work.  I proceed with instructions, planning, and a moment of connection before I start my own studies.  My two children spend the rest of their day self-governing their occupations based on a checklist of ideas.  I have been so impressed and a bit surprised by how effectively they are spending their day in productive, independent practice, study, and leisure activities.  As they complete a task, they bring their checklist to me to inspect and sign off.  They have been highly motivated by the checkmark.

Situation #3

My teenage daughter has chosen to remain in the local high school, at least for the remainder of this year.  She does, however, struggle quite a bit with some basic study skills due to learning challenges. Needless to say, her grades are reflective of this condition and she is failing some of her classes.  At first it was quite a traumatic experience for her to not be just like everyone else, even though she was probably putting in double the effort.  She was enjoying the idea of possibly being the first in our family to graduate from a public school.  All her older siblings had graduated from our homeschool as well as passed the GED, but she wanted to be unique, I suppose, by being like everybody else.  She was equating her value on whether she could measure up to these outside, other-imposed, standards of accomplishment.  In other words, she was striving to get enough checkmarks to make the cut of being acceptable.   

What does all this mean?  Probably nothing. Though I do find it interesting.  This motivation is obviously secondary to say the least.  In all three cases, the dopamine fix of earning a checkmark, was the motivation instead of the underlying purpose of all this – obtaining an education.

I do the work on the checklist for my classes.  And what have I gotten from all my effort?  

Simply… a checkmark…! 

I can’t say that I feel I have mastered the content or internalized it into my character – partially because I’m too busy earning checkmarks to take it to a deeper level. My younger children earn a checkmark simply so their work plan for the day has a signature in each slot, (it is visually appealing) not necessarily because they are inspired or wanting to engage in those pursuits.  My teenage daughter was doing a tremendous amount of learning, but because it didn’t meet someone else’s standard of acceptability, she was considered a failure. There is definitely some drawbacks to the checklist approach to education.

On the other hand, when one studies, they learn.  Duty brings about desire. And the ZPD (Zone of Proximal Development) is tested, resulting in growth.   So does the end justify the means? Is there a better approach to learning or is this as good as it gets?

Of course, if that desire to learn something is already inside the student, the checkmark is simply an organizational tool to accomplish what is internally motivating them.  If the inner desire if focused on something else (say being popular or pleasing the teacher or obsessive tendencies to have all the checks marked) than the checklist becomes a management tool to control or be controlled.  Which becomes a moral concern.  Is it ethical to manipulate someone to accomplish what we think is in their best interest? That philosophy sounds all too familiar in context of the war in Heaven.

I love to learn and develop, so I don’t mind utilizing the checkmarks as a tool to accomplish that end.  Although for a person to be required to receive checkmarks as the standard of determining whether they are learning is pretty controlling and missing the mark.  Surely there is a more meaningful way to motivate and measure a person’s engagement in learning.  Surely there is a method that encourages the child to WANT to do what is necessary to learn rather than HAVE to do it.  The carrot and the stick method is a pretty lame application of motivation.

Here are a few ideas I’ve come up with that might be a better approach

·       

•            Inspire a child with truth, based on correct principles, so that they are self-disciplined to do what is necessary to learn. (Teach them correct principles and allow them to govern themselves)
• ·         Inspire a child with interesting exposures to the content they are needing to learn.
• ·         Have child set goals, help them set up an action plan, and then mentor them in how to reach that goal. 
• ·         Studying what the child wants to learn and taking advantage of all the learning opportunities that exist within their interest. No checklist yet learning is happening organically.

Having some way to measure learning is essential for the teacher. I get that. Using that method to motivate may be easy, but definitely an inferior means.