Peaceful Abandonment

 

I know this may be a crappy subject, but one day I was sitting on the toilet, pondering about President Nelson’s invitation to remove unnecessary debris from our lives, I considered how our bodies are very efficient with that process. As food enters the body, the nutrients and energy they provide are utilized and then the excess components are quickly removed from the body. There is no conscious or separate action that takes place. Aside from toxins or negative beliefs/emotions or excess inputs (or whatever disrupts the natural function of the body) that cause blockage or storage within the system, it is a highly effective removal machine.  The body truly is a remarkable system when you think about it.

Unlike the body, however, my house does not have an automatic trash removal. When society first shutdown from Covid, I had been in the process of accumulating a pile of no-longer used clothing, books, furniture, and other items to give to good will. However, since I was unable to do that, I put a screen in front of the mounting mass in a corner we seldom used. Even without the visual reminder, when I finally got around to hauling it off a year later, it was emotionally liberating to free up that space. In her book, my professional organizer (who happens to be my sister) identified the step of hauling off unwanted items as an independent and necessary step to organizing your life. Who knew?

I am experiencing a similar feeling as I am going through the sorting process and deciding which educational philosophies to hold onto and which to maybe haul out of my life. I have been like a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the other (pending which argument was most recently heard, reasoned through, and began being adopted).  This swaying motion, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, has not felt calming or lulling as a rocking chair or swing. Instead it has been discouraging that I am being knocked about by every wind or doctrine. The problem has been that the components of the differing approaches to education are still necessary components to living life. Job training is a necessary preparation. Practical and effective methods that work is an indispensible asset. Identifying what is truth is a crucial and desired objective. Learning what is right from wrong is fundamental to a good education. And incorporating the good and the beautiful, the symmetrical and the balanced is significant to focus on. And so the pendulum continues, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Trying to integrate these essential components without feeling there is a definitive firm focus.

The problem is... the educational systems or focuses that sway to these varying objectives does not produce the effect of an eye single to His glory that is needed for a Zion people.  And by having only one main and firm objective will require the removal of ideas, habits, traditions, etc. that don’t align with that vision. However, it is not like the body which naturally and habitually removes unneeded waste products, nor the house which has tangible items that can manually be removed from the environment. It has been more of an inner world battle of ideas and searching for what elements to hang on to and what to abandon. The arguments and reasoning and even the results of certain philosophies may have served me well in their time of need and for their objective, however, preparation for the second coming and the millennium will require a different type of preparation. 

In my personal battle, I have to consider that God is my companion. I am not alone or without his guidance.  I felt very strongly that I needed to go into the workplace in order to be a full-tithe payer and set personal boundaries, and then to go back to school and get my bachelor’s degree. I suppose there is the remote possibility that I may have  misunderstood the guidance, though, I firmly believe He can/will make right what goes wrong, especially when we are trying to move forward in Him. And so for this past year, I have been home wondering why or what I was to do with that experience now that I have completed it. I was exposed to public classrooms and received teacher education training and even experienced the demands of the student to aspire to the ‘grade’. I was saturated with the logic and system of public education and in my broken state, I was not sure whether to abandon my years of attempted leadership education, try to find a marriage between the two philosophies, or something else altogether.  Add to the equation… children with specific challenges that make my applying any type of educational philosophy almost a moot point, as well as personal anxiety issues that complicate their learning - I’ve had a very successful formula for confusion.          

Fortunately, brokenness is Christ’s strongpoint. As I consistently come unto him and seek his guidance, he will bless me with the educational philosophy that brings peace as well as prosperity in Him. At this point, I am learning to abandon the regimented schedules and instead flow through the activities of the day. I no longer feel the need to stalwartly follow every word out of the curriculum and instead am dolloping a little here, a little there. In short, for the past year, I have been slowly sifting out what I had acquired in my three years of public education experience. And it feels so good to experience peace instead of pressure.  Until now, I have been confused about why I went through the process of public education experience because I wasn’t really using it for any particular purpose. I have, however, gained perspective and can empathize with other moms/students. Now I can see this detoxing period has been a season of removing the unnecessary debris. And I am feeling peaceful about abandoning those philosophies where the focus is on something other than my Savior and His objectives.